why are girls so cute like god damn curves and boobs and those legs and their hair and their skin and their voices and just like hot damn girls in thigh highs and maid outfits and oversized sweaters and messy hair and piercings and dresses
I read this, and then I look in the mirror and think ; I am obviously not one of those
do you identify as a girl
THEN YES YOU ARE A PART OF THE CUTE PARADE
I love every bit of this.
benefits of being friends with me
- shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
- shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them
people who dry swallow pills go hard as hell and should not be fucked with
I was half asleep, and in the dream I was at a bar. And he was hitting on me, using all these terrible lines. And I told him I hadn’t had sex in awhile. And he went “Dry spell, huh? That’s okay. I’m pretty sure the forecast called for rain tonight.” And I looked him in the eye and went “Oh yeah? How many inches should I be expecting?” And the part of me that was awake laughed so hard, it woke me up.
Even in my subconscious, I’m a smooth motherfucker.